How to Offend Just About Anyone on the Internet in 3 Easy Steps


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Just in case you’ve ever wondered, I think, after 8+ year of blogging, I am qualified to explain how to offend folks online. Unfortunately, my working title for this post was too long. Still, I thought it was worth sharing. Ready? (Oh, and I won’t be using the traditional capitalization rules for titles because my shift fingers don’t have that much energy.)

How to offend just about anyone on the Internet: How to offend or annoy homeschool moms, homeschool dads, homeschool grandparents, public school parents, private school parents, teachers, people who think homeschooling is the most ludicrous thing they’ve ever heard of, Christians (both conservative and liberal), atheists, agnostics, people of faiths other than Christianity, stay-at-home-moms, work-at-home-moms, moms who work outside the home, people who keep their homes really clean, people who keep their homes really messy, people who celebrate Christmas and various and sundry other holidays, people who don’t celebrate Christmas and various and sundry other holidays, people who…

Okay, you probably get the point (and I may have just offended all the people groups I left out). Now, on to the steps.

Step 1. Start a blog.

Step 2. Write words.

Note: There are two approaches you can take here. If you’re the “go big or go home” type, you can write words that you’re fairly certain will offend whichever group you’re trying to offend.

If you’re more the non-confrontational type, you can write words that seem innocent enough, though, deep down, you know that there is someone out there who can and will take offense to them.

Step 3. Hit “publish.”

There you go! It’s that simple. Now you, too, can easily offend just about anyone on the Internet. Optionally, you can also start a social media page and follow Steps 2 and 3 to offend people there.

Now you, too, can easily offend just about anyone on the Internet.

Note: This post is not directed to anyone in particular and is intended to be funny. Any resemblance to any actual person on the Internet, living or dead, or  is purely coincidental. If this post has offended you in any way, well, that kind of proves its point.

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32 Comments

  1. Sadly, the way the world is, you can’t eat a peanut butter sandwich without offending someone. The great thing about a blog, if I don’t agree with the content, I don’t have to read it. Keep up the great work! You can’t please everyone.

    1. Sadly, even though you said it in a joking way, that’s absolutely true. I totally think you could offend someone over a peanut butter sandwich. I’m with you about blogging, though, and things on social media. If I’m offended, I just move on.

  2. This is the best thing I’ve read in a long time! I usually take the non-confrontational approach, but still I’ve managed to offend people with chicken and dumplings (I was even cussed out over that one), hot brown sandwiches (who knew ham was so controversial?) and the occasional cream soup. Oh yes, I also made an innocent grammar mistake on my Facebook page the other day. That can be a scary thing to do.

    If people can get so upset over food, I can’t imagine what it would be like to write about something that really is important. For the record, yours is my favorite blog on homeschooling! I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with the offended people. They aren’t too fun sometimes.

    1. Seriously? You were cussed out over chicken and dumplings? That’s a story I’d love to hear. I had no idea about ham. I’ll keep our pork consumption on the down low. πŸ˜‰

      I’m so glad you enjoy the blog. That makes my day! Really.

  3. I’m so sorry that people have made you feel this way. Your post was a humorous way to deal with it, although I’m sure the words people have said are probably stinging. I don’t understand why people are so quick to throw out their opinions and nasty thoughts to one another online–things they would probably never say to your face in real life, and if they did they would probably (hopefully) approach you in a much kinder way. Please don’t let the negativity stop you from doing what you do. You are a resource and a guide, a lighthouse in a storm, to so many homeschooling families. I appreciate you!

    1. No worries. I’ve grown a much thicker skin than I used to have. I just find it somewhat amusing how easily people are offended sometimes. Thank you for your kind, encouraging words.

  4. I do not share your religious or political views. I do not homeschool and have absolutely no desire to do so. (I do supplement my children’s public school education at home.) You may be wondering why I subscribe to your feed….. Here is why: You are witty and gracious, and you give good reviews. You are about the least offensive blogger on the US. Keep up the good work!

    1. Cynthia, I might just print out your comment and hang it on my wall for the rough days. This is definitely one of the nicest comments I have ever received. It drives home what I’ve always thought – we don’t have to agree with everybody on every point to find common ground and enjoy one another’s company. Thank you.

  5. Hi Kris, I very seldom post comment to blogs I read. However, yours today was so funny I just had to say thanks! You are so real, reasonable, and down-to-earth. It is very refreshing.

  6. Yes, that pretty much sums it up. I have probably offended countless people. Never intentionally, but some just tend to take offense at anything. I love your blog. πŸ™‚

  7. I really enjoy your blog. I laughed at this post, as I believe most people offend others just by breathing. So when one has a blog, and posts their thoughts and beliefs, watch out! It just shows how little we have come as a society.
    Our individuality is what makes this life interesting. Keep up the great work. It’s enjoyed by more than not.

  8. Oh my goodness – YES!!!! I try so hard to not say anything confrontational on my blog – and YET – someone always manages to find fault with something. I will rarely post a picture of my children eating, or in a carseat, or using technology bc of the reaction I get. I remember when I was pregnant and having a HORRIBLE pregnancy – it was after the stillbirth of my twin daughters, and I took my toddler out to eat at Chipotle. Somebody commented how it was disgraceful I didn’t make her a home-cooked meal. Seriously??? Now I know people are offended by anything – but I quit allowing comments on my blog…so…at least I don’t have to hear them! Haha.

    1. If taking your kids out to eat is disgraceful, I’m a very, very bad person. It’s funny (for lack of a better word) the things that people will say.

  9. That there is funny, and not funny all at the same time. I’ve put a few “Please don’t send me nasty messages” comments in a few blog posts because I too have learned that the most innocent of things can start an up roar. Yet, the soap box articles that I write, never get a peep. It’s a crazy bloggy world. Keep on writing my friend!

  10. Maybe I’m THAT amazing, but I was able to offend people online long before starting a blog :). My trick: use logic. That one always makes people mad. Love the post & love the blog, Kris.

  11. I have a blog that hasn’t had too many negative comments but my daughter has been begging for almost a year to start a vlog and I’ve been refusing just based on how NASTY the youtube comments are. I hope to one day build a thick enough skin that these crazy, too-much-time-too-little-sense people feel the need to share on people’s hard work, but I’m not there yet… I really commend you for having such a wonderful response to it.

  12. So very true, Kris. I’ve had nasty emails over the last few years, for example, for a) wishing readers a Merry Christmas and b) wishing readers Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. This year I just wished everyone a great day (which I’m sure will offend a whole new group)!

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