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We all know homeschooling moms are worriers, usually.

Some homeschool worries stem from outside voices.

But some of those homeschool worries come directly from our own brains… and usually starts with “am I doing enough?” In other words, caring about doing a good job.

A few homeschool mom worries are part of the territory. But many focus on factors that do not actually determine whether their children are learning, growing, or thriving. If you are carrying more stress than you need to (and I know you are), this list is for you.

I think one reason is that most of us feel like the fate of our children rests solely in our hands. Therefore, when we see our kids make mistakes, it’s got to be our fault, right? Yet somehow, when our kids do well or have successes, we don’t take credit for them. Here are some things I want you, Dear Homeschool Mom, to consider and let go of.

Here are ten things homeschool moms can safely stop worrying about.

10 Things Homeschool Moms Should Stop Worrying About

1. Teaching Preschool

Will your kids be behind?

So many moms with very young children are convinced that they have to start formal homeschooling at the age of 3, or their children will forever be behind. (I’m not sure who determines who is behind and who is ahead, but we don’t often stop to think about that. We just worry that they’ll be behind–whatever that means.)

The Truth is: Preschool does not need to look like school. Young children learn through play, movement, conversation, and everyday life. There is no rush to formal lessons, worksheets, or academic benchmarks.

Most very young children just need to play. They need to learn by being kids. They need to learn by helping Mom and Dad do chores around the house, like cooking dinner, setting the table, raking the yard, washing clothes, and cleaning up their own toys and messes. They need to play with toys (or everyday objects) that encourage fine motor development and eye-hand coordination. They need to run, exercise, and learn by making messes and getting into things. They need to see us enjoy reading and hear us read to them. They need to sing songs, dance, and move. These are the things they need. Not curriculum. Not when they’re still toddlers.

If your preschooler is curious, engaged, and interacting with the world, learning is happening.

What about tot school and teaching children when they’re very young?

Some children truly do love a few more structured activities, and that’s ok. It’s fine to do some tot school activities and to introduce them to more formal learning if they’re interested and want to do it. If they only want to play, though, that’s perfectly fine! Our children can learn so much from playing and engaging in everyday activities with friends and family.

My youngest child (who is a senior in our homeschool this year) was determined to learn to read when she was 4. I put her off, but she wasn’t having it! She would ask me the sounds the letters make and was learning to put the letter sounds together so she could learn to read on her own. My son, at that same age, was not the slightest bit interested in learning to read. In fact, he wasn’t the slightest bit interested in learning to read until he about 8 or 9 years old! And guess which of them turned out to be the better reader. Neither of them. They’re both great readers and both enjoy reading! Yes, my son would have been considered to be behind when he was 6 or 7 and wasn’t reading. My daughter would have been considered to be ahead when she started reading early. But it made zero difference for the future.

P.S. – It’s probably not a good idea to try to introduce handwriting at this age because young children just get frustrated. Most of them simply aren’t developmentally ready to write very well yet. It’s fine, of course, for them to color and scribble and even write letters and numbers if they want to try, but I would suggest that you not emphasize good, legible handwriting until they’re much older.

2. Teaching High School

You do not have to know everything to homeschool a high schooler. Many families use online classes, tutors, community college courses, co ops, or outside mentors. Your role is to guide, support, and help your teen find resources.

Homeschooling high school does not mean doing it all yourself.

I now have two homeschool graduates, and my youngest is graduating in a few weeks. We know that hindsight is 20/20, but it can be so hard not to worry when you’ve never homeschooled a high school student!

You have the teacher’s manuals with all the answers! 🙂 Seriously, though, if you think you have to know every answer to every question and every tidbit of information in every book or resource you’re using, you’ll never be able to teach your kids at any age or grade level. Nobody knows everything there is to know about every subject, so you can mark that off your list of things to worry about. Seriously.

Yes, if you use a traditional curriculum, you really will have the teacher’s books with the answers. And you and your children can look up (together!) answers to things you don’t know. I think it’s a fantastic way to model lifelong learning by showing our kids that, while we don’t know everything, we are willing to learn and can find whatever information we need at any age! Learning isn’t just for kids or teens!

You can easily outsource the subjects you’re not comfortable teaching. Today, there are homeschool co-ops, online curriculum options, and even self-teaching curricula (designed for students with minimal parental involvement). Or you might partner with another mom who’s strong in math if you’re strong in English grammar. You teach both sets of kids the subject you’re best at, and she teaches them the subject she’s best at.

3. My Kids Getting into College 

I spent years on this one. It was one of my biggest homeschool worries. Fretting over the concern that my kids wouldn’t be able to get into college or get good jobs after they graduated. And now I can see that all that worry was for nothing! I wish I could tell my former self to enjoy the high school years more and worry less about them!

My son, who graduated 5 years ago, was accepted to college but chose to work instead. My fear had been that, if he decided to go to college, he wouldn’t be able to get in. But he did! The college looked at his ACT score and his transcript as well as his extra-curricular activities and letters of recommendation from his employer and others, and he didn’t have any trouble getting in. Colleges are familiar with homeschool applicants and often value their independence, maturity, and real-world experience.

College is only one of many possible paths, and homeschooling does not close doors to any of them.

It opens them.

4. Socialization

Okay, okay, you probably groaned when you read this one!! But there are still people out there who think homeschoolers don’t know how to socialize. I think most people who want to believe this is an issue will continue to do so, even though there’s plenty of evidence to the contrary. But if this is a concern of yours, or if you feel you need to prove to your mom, your cousin, or the checkout clerk at the grocery store that your kids really do know how to socialize, there is some information you can share.

Homeschooled children interact with people of different ages in real settings. They build relationships through family life, community activities, sports, volunteering, and shared interests. I wrote an article for Hip Homeschool Moms called Are You Worried About Socialization? In it, you’ll find a few questions to ask yourself and points to consider if this is something you’re worried about. We also have an article by Durenda Wilson (we miss her so much) on the topic of socialization. And, while it’s not research-based, we also have an article written by a homeschooled teenager! Her article is titled “Socialization Geniuses,” and you might find it interesting and encouraging.

While we’re on the topic of socialization, it makes sense to include some information about the differences between true socialization and forced association. Most people have never stopped to consider this, so you might be surprised by the distinction between socialized and forced association.

The truth is, social skills are developed through real interaction, not by sitting in a classroom with kids their same age. So drop this off the list of homeschool worries completely!

5. The Pace and Age/Grade Level at Which My Children Learn Things

Remember the story I told you early in this article about my daughter (who learned to read early) and my son (who, according to some standards, learned to read late)? Both turned out to be excellent readers! They both enjoy reading and read for pleasure. It makes no difference that one learned early and the other later. I once heard a mom say that it doesn’t make any difference at what age our kids learn to read unless a prospective employer asks, “How old were you when you learned to read?” on a job application!

The same daughter who learned to read at a young age took a while to grasp math fully. Math just didn’t make sense to her! In fact, she was in about 3rd grade before we really started doing much formal math because, until that age, she just didn’t get it. To be honest, she never did become a super whiz at math, but she learned the basics in order to get into college or get a job after she graduates from our homeschool. In fact, she now works at a small local store and handles money, making change, and even balancing the money and receipts at the end of the day, so she’s very well able to do real-life math, even though math never did become her best subject.

Children learn at different rates. One child may read early while another takes longer. One may love math while another needs time.

Learning is not a race. Progress does not have to match a chart to be real

6. That My Kids Don’t Always Want to Homeschool

Over my twenty-four years of homeschooling, there have been times my kids didn’t want to homeschool. Heck, there have been times I didn’t want to homeschool! But here’s the thing. Kids have parents for a reason. Parents are the ones responsible for making the best decisions for our kids. Yes, I do believe we should take our children’s opinions into consideration as they get older. Yes, I believe our children should be allowed to make decisions (and live with the consequences–both good and bad) as they grow up. But parents are ultimately responsible for leading and guiding our children and for taking care of them the best we can until they are adults.

One of my children was very easily distracted. This child would have probably been labeled as having a learning disability (even though that was not the case) because of a lack of interest and short attention span. Homeschooling was definitely the best decision if I wanted any learning to happen. I’m not saying it’s a disaster for a child to go to public school, but I am saying it would not have been a good option for this particular child. Several years after high school graduation, this child (now an adult) said to me, “I know I wasn’t easy to homeschool. Thank you for making me do it anyway. Now that I’m working and hear from my co-workers about what went on when they went to school, I’m thankful you homeschooled me.” I was blown away! And that was confirmation to me (years later!) that I had done the right thing.

If there are reasons you choose to have your children go to public school, you have to make the best decision for your family! In my case, though, I knew the best decision was to keep on homeschooling, and I’m glad I did.

No child enjoys every part of learning all the time. That is normal. Resistance, frustration, and boredom happen in every educational setting.

Your job is not to create constant enthusiasm. It is to guide learning while listening, adjusting, and supporting your child through ups and downs.

7. Not Finishing Every Lesson in the Book

I’ve always loved getting brand new school books at the beginning of a school year! I’ve always loved working my way through the books and learning new things (or refreshing things I’ve already learned) along with my children. And it’s always been hard for me when we don’t finish every lesson in every book. I’ve had to learn to live with it, though, and after almost 25 years of homeschooling, I must admit it doesn’t bother me nearly as much as it used to!

Why? Because I remember being a student in public school and I remember being a school teacher before I started homeschooling. It was rare to completely finish a curriculum. It’s almost impossible (unless I want to make school a horrible chore for everyone) to finish everything because most of the time there is way more information than I could possibly teach or my children could possibly learn in one school year. And that’s ok! I’ve learned to handle this in several ways.

First, I’ve learned to plan for 4-day school weeks. It seems that real life happens quite often! There are days when someone is too sick to do school. There are times a grandparent needs our help. There are lovely days that we just have to go outside and enjoy! There are times when one of my kids just doesn’t get something and it takes more time than I planned. But part of our job as homeschool parents is teaching our children to handle real life. To adapt when necessary and move on with life. We’re teaching them to be adults–not perpetual students.

If you’re worried about finishing the school year, there are some things you can consider to make it easier and less stressful. But don’t let it ruin your kids’ love of learning or your relationship with them.

But remember, curriculum is a tool, not a contract. You do not need to finish every page for learning to be valid. Sometimes a book stops serving your child, and it is okay to move on.

What matters is understanding and growth, not completion.

8. Keeping My House Clean

Okay, okay, I know you laughed when you read this one. Most of us try so hard to keep our houses clean while we homeschool, and it never seems to work. Some days even when I’ve tried my hardest to get things done and keep the house clean, it looks worse than ever! It truly is a never-ending battle to keep the house clean. But I’ve noticed something. The people who keep immaculate homes are the ones who don’t live in them! They’re the folks who stay up late cleaning or get up early to clean and then go to work all day so nobody’s home to mess things up. Those of us who homeschool and are home during the day are using things, making things, moving things, and doing things all day long! In other words, our houses are going to look like people live in them

Yes, we need to do our best to keep our homes decently clean. Yes, we need to teach our children to help keep the house clean. But we also need to give ourselves some grace and realize that our homes won’t look like those in magazines unless we drive ourselves and our families crazy trying to keep them that way. And that’s not worth it. At least it’s not to me.

There are some quick ways to clean the house when company is coming and some strategies for helping to keep the house clean on a daily basis, but it’s a good idea to keep in mind that your house won’t be perfectly clean while you have young children.

But let’s remember, Learning at home means living at home. Art supplies come out. Projects are spread across tables. Books pile up.

A lived-in home is often a sign of a full and active homeschool life.

9. Other People Who Don’t Want Me to Homeschool

Have you ever been told by a parent, friend, neighbor, or (for goodness sake!!) even the clerk at the grocery store that you shouldn’t be homeschooling your children for one reason or another? It seems that it’s perfectly fine for anybody and everybody to question our decision to homeschool, yet these same people would never consider telling parents of public school children that they made the wrong decision for their children. I don’t get it.

To be honest, most of these folks are worried that our homeschooled children won’t get proper socialization. (Gasp!!) Some of them are worried that our children won’t receive a good enough education. (Even though research shows otherwise.)

We should keep in mind that, most of the time, people who are questioning our decisions truly are concerned about us and our children. That makes it much easier for me to respond in a kind way. (Although I have to admit it can be hard!) Over the years we’ve homeschooled, I’ve learned to quickly tell the difference between someone who is truly curious about homeschooling and someone who is biased against it and doesn’t want to learn more but instead only wants to convince me that I’m doing something I shouldn’t be doing.

If I get questions from someone who is truly interested in learning about homeschooling, I’m happy to answer questions and point that person to research and my own experiences. If I get questions from someone who is only trying to convince me that I’m wrong, I’ve learned to simply say something like, “Thank you for your concern, but it’s my job to do what’s best for my own children,” and end the conversation there. You have permission to do the same thing. I think you’ll find it’s very freeing!

Not everyone will understand your choice. Some people will question it. Others will judge from the outside.

Hot Tip: You do not need universal approval to homeschool well. Confidence grows with time and experience.

10. Bad Days

We’ve definitely had our share of bad days over the twenty-four years we’ve homeschooled. Bad days happen. In the early years, I was certain bad days meant I was doing something terribly wrong. I was ruining my life and my children’s lives. I was a failure as a mom and a teacher. With time and experience, though, I began to realize that we have bad days whether we homeschool or not. Our kids have bad days. It’s just going to happen. The thing we need to think about is how to handle those days.

Instead of questioning whether or not we should be homeschooling, we should focus on learning to deal constructively with bad days when they happen. Maybe you’re bringing your child home from public school and you would benefit from deschooling. Maybe you would benefit from reading my list of Top 10 Homeschool Do’s and Don’ts for some tips on things you could do to feel more relaxed (Our kids notice our stress, and they get stressed too.) and enjoy your school year more. Or maybe these Seven Tips for Days When Homeschooling Is NOT Working will encourage you and give you some ideas to use when you have one of those days.

Every homeschool has hard days. Lessons fall apart. Attitudes clash. Nothing goes as planned.

Bad days do not define your homeschool. They are part of the process, not a failure.

Enjoy Your Kids and Your Homeschooling Years!

As a mom who is about to graduate her last child, I can tell you it’s both exciting and sad to see my homeschooling years come to an end. If there is ONE single thing I could do over, I would choose to worry less and enjoy my children more. Period. I would choose to take more good weather days to play outside and have fun together. I would choose to laugh more and stress less. But, since we don’t usually get do-overs in life, instead I’ll choose to look back on these years and remember the good things and the happy days we spent together. And I’ll watch my children become adults and make their own way in life knowing I’m there to love and support them.

Most homeschool moms are doing far more and way better than they think. Learning does not require perfection. It requires consistency, care, and the willingness to keep showing up.

If you drop a few of these homeschool worries, you are leaving more room for connection, curiosity, and growth. And that is where real learning happens.

 

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