I remember one time one of my kids asked me what a co-op was. Because we’d never done co-ops, they had no idea, and it never occurred to me to explain it.

I think there are a lot of school terms like that, too. Some terms homeschooled kids might not understand include hall pass, car rider, and IEP. Or, you know, alarm clock and single-file line.

As I am wont to do, I decided to help out all those poor little unsocialized homeschoolers – with a little dose of humor because humor is my favorite.

– A –

Alarm clock – An alarm clock is a time-telling device that allows you to set the alarm (usually an incessant buzzing or beeping noise) that will begin at the time you wish to awaken from sleep. Kids in traditional school settings use it to wake them up so that they can arrive at school on time. You may have a similar device on your smartphone under “clock.”

– B –

Bell – A bell is used in public and private school settings (usually in middle school and high school) to notify students that it is time for classes to start and end. There are usually one or two bells in the morning to signify the beginning of school, on at the end of the day, and one at the end of each period or block (i.e., class) and the beginning of the next.

Birthday – The celebration of one’s date of birth. Unless they were born in the summer or around a typical school break, most kids have to attend school on their birthday. Most kids’ birthdays are not school holidays. {Please take all the time you need to recover from this shock.}

Bully – A person at school who picks on another either physically, mentally, or both. {Yes, it is similar to a sibling, but not the same.}

– C –

Car rider – A student whose parents pick him or her up in the family automobile at the end of each school day. The term car rider differentiates these students from those who ride a bus.

Car rider line – The line of cars that wrap around a school building each afternoon to pick up the car riders. The car rider line is often the place where a parent realizes that he or she should not have consumed that last cup of tea or coffee before driving to pick up his or her student.

Clothes – Clothes are items worn to cover the body, most often with the intent of going out in public. Most people put on actual clothes – the kind you’d wear to go somewhere (not PJs) – every day. Yes, really.

– D –

Dawn – Dawn is the time of day when light from the sun is just appearing in the sky – the time just before sunrise. It is the time that most traditionally-schooled kids get up to get ready for school. Alternately, it is the time that signals to many students that they are now running late to school.

Doctor’s excuse – A note a student must have from his doctor, dentist, or orthodontist stating that he did, in fact, have an appointment and it therefore allowed to make up any missed schoolwork. {You don’t need one because your school administrator is most likely the person who drove you to the doctor.}

– E –

Exams – Tests that students must take to show their mastery of a given subject matter. There are:

• quizzes (short tests that don’t affect a grade as heavily as a test)
• pop quizzes (surprise quizzes that strike fear into the hearts of students everywhere)
• chapter tests (at the end of each chapter)
• unit tests (at the end of each unit)
• and finals (comprehensive exams at the end of a semester or school year)

Excused absence – An absence from school for which a student is not penalized (unless there are too many) and is allowed to make up missed work. An excused absence may include a sick day, a doctor visit, or a death in the family. An excused absence does not include a family vacation during the off-season, an unseasonably warm day in the middle of winter, or student birthdays.

– F –

Friends – Friends, or classmates, are just like the people you know from co-op, church, or your neighborhood except they’re likely all born within the same 365-day period as you.

– G –

Grades – Grades are typically a letter or number (percentage) used to indicate a student’s mastery of a topic or performance on a test or assignment. There are letter grades such as A, B, C, D, and F or S (satisfactory) or U (unsatisfactory) and number grades that are a percentage of 100.

In a traditional school setting, students are assigned a grade, and the class moves on with struggling students getting help from a teacher, tutor, or parent, unlike in a homeschool setting where your parent makes you correct all the incorrect answers and demonstrate that you understand them before moving on.

– H –

Homework – The work kids do on their own after they leave school. You may have homework if you attend a homeschool co-op. If not, you may opt to think of all of your work or none of it as homework.

Hall pass – A piece of paper (or other creative marker made of wood, plastic, or other material) indicating that you have a teacher’s permission to be out of class and walking in the hallway. A bathroom pass is similar, giving a student permission to go to the bathroom and return to class. {Yes you need permission.}

– I –

IEP – An IEP is an Individualized Education Plan. This plan is used for students who may have special needs or learning differences. It indicates the types of classroom modifications that a student can expect to have. These are modifications that your parent probably already does – without the hassle of multiple meetings.

Intercom – A loudspeaker system in each classroom that school administrators use to make announcements and request that a student or teacher come to the office. Your mom (or dad) probably just yells through the house.

– L –

Line – A line is the (usually) organized fashion in which a group of students moves from one location to another. When someone says, “Get in a single-file line,” they mean to stand with your front facing the back of the person in front of you. Field trip destinations are very befuddled when homeschoolers don’t know how to do this, so try practicing with a few friends or siblings.

Line leader – The person at the front of the line who gets to determine the course for everyone behind him. It is a highly coveted position sought after by cries of, “I want to be the line leader! It’s my turn to be the line leader!”

– M –

Maps – You know what a map is because you likely have them all over your dining room wall and lining your hallway. What’s important for homeschoolers to know is that most people don’t decorate with those. I mean, some people do frame antique, decorative maps, but most people don’t have them all over their homes.

– N –

Nerds – Nerds are basically kids who are super-excited about their interests without regard for whether or not anyone else is interested. The term is generally considered an insult in most school settings, but they’re actually pretty cool kids. Nerds are different from geeks in that nerds are presumed to have fewer social skills and geeks tend to obsess about sci-fi-related topics.

– P –

Picture Day – This is the day in which a photographer comes to the school to take pictures of all the students. Children are usually expected to dress up and must keep their hair, clothes, and makeup (if applicable) free from blemishes until after they’ve had their pictures taken. Woe to the kids who have their pictures taken after lunch or P.E.

Principal – The administrator and chief disciplinarian at a school. Sometimes homeschool dads are referred to as the principal of the school. It’s rather unusual for most principals to kiss the teachers. If you go to a traditional school and see the principal and a teacher making out, you should probably tell an adult.

PTO Meeting – PTO stands for parent-teacher organization. A PTO meeting is a regular monthly or quarterly meeting in which parents and teachers get together to discuss school-related news, issues, and concerns. At your house, you probably call this family dinner.

– R –

Resource officer – A resource officer, or school resource officer (SRO), is a police officer who works at a school to prevent crime and keep students safe. Unless your mom or dad is a police officer – or you have a really big dog – your homeschool probably doesn’t have a resource officer.

Recess – Recess is when traditionally-schooled students are allowed to play outside. Some kids don’t get recess if they are in trouble and haven’t completed all their school work. Most homeschool parents value their sanity too much to take away recess (outside play time) as punishment.

– S –

Summer break – Summer break refers to the time when traditionally-schooled kids are off of school from late-May or early-June to mid- or late-August. You probably know it as the time you avoid public playgrounds, museums, zoos, and other kid-friendly places because they’re so stinking crowded.

Silent lunch – Unfortunately, many schools have instituted silent lunches so that children will have time to eat. That means that they are not allowed to talk in the cafeteria during lunch. Your mom (or dad) might sometimes call for silent lunch when they’ve had one of those days.

– T –

Teacher’s Pet – A teacher’s pet is the kid who is the teacher’s favorite. The teacher may dote on this student and allow special privileges. {Again, this may sound a lot like a sibling, but it’s not the same.}

Tardy – Tardy means late. Excessive tardies may get students in trouble. They may have to serve detention (staying after school as punishment). For a homeschooled kid, this may look a lot like your parent saying, “For the last time, get out of bed and get your schoolwork started!!”

– U –

Uniforms – Uniforms are the clothes that kids must wear to school. Some schools don’t require uniforms, but others require students to wear a particular color and type of pants and shirts. No, not pajamas. No, not your favorite homeschool t-shirt. Like, dress pants and a button-down shirt.

– V –

Valedictorian – A valedictorian is the student who graduates high school with the highest grade point average of all the students in the graduating class. If you homeschool, it’s probably you – unless you’re one of a set of twins, triplets, etc. In that case, check with your mom or dad.

– W –

Wrapping paper – Wrapping paper is that stuff that you buy for a few dollars a roll to wrap gifts for special occasions such as Christmas or birthday – unless you’re in public school. Then, wrapping paper is that stuff that you sell to neighbor’s and relatives for lots of dollars a (small) roll to raise money for your school to purchase needed supplies and equipment.

I hope this glossary helps your homeschooled kids to understand these school-related terms

What school-related concepts have you had to explain to your homeschooled kids?

Learning never stops. That’s what homeschooling mamas like to say – sometimes in kind of a snippy little way. Don’t get mad. You know it’s true. Sometimes.

If you’re one of those homeschooling mamas (or dads) under whose watch learning (at least the formal variety) really does never stop, move along. There’s nothing to see here.

However, if you’re one of those homeschooling mamas at a house where learning comes to screeching halt on the last day of school before summer break and your kids have entirely too much screen time all summer long and you feel guilty because learning clearly has stopped, read on.

You are not alone, my friend.

Warning: This is one of those posts that is meant to be read with a sense of humor. If you are easily offended – well, if you’re easily offended, you’re probably already offended by the intro, but if that didn’t do it, you might want to stop reading now.

And, if you’re one of those people who is going to insist that this is really, truly how homeschooling families “learn” all the time, you should probably stop reading.

Oh, and one other thing, this is intended to be a comical look at our summer break. When we start school in August, never fear – we’ll be back to real, honest-to-Pete learning.

1. Summer Reading

We’ll be doing lots of summer reading this year. The year Megan got her first cell phone, its texting memory was at 80% within the first twelve hours. It wasn’t a smartphone, so had to delete messages – 27 pages of messages in the online log. She had the summer reading program award in the bag that year, and she’s never really slowed down. Josh is not quite so avid a reader, but he holds his own in the summer reading club.

2. Math

Of course, we’ll be keeping up with math, too. We like to do consumer math during the summer. Refills on the Roo cups at the local convenience store are $0.29. Tax is included.

“To get my Roo cup filled, I’ll need how much money?”

That’s right – $0.29.

Plus, you know, there’s the counting of change. No simple quarters this year. See? Math.

3. Writing

Never fear. Writing will not be neglected this summer either. I will wake up to find sticky notes stuck to my laptop. “Will you get more chips while you’re at the store,” or “Mom, we’re out of Pop-Tarts.”

Oh, and Megan is constantly working on a couple of novels-in-progress, so she’ll spend some time on those. (Yes, seriously. She is her mother’s child.)

4. History

History is always big at our house. This summer, it will probably include things like, “Why did he/she get to do {fill in the blank with the activity in question + choose from the following: last year, at X-age} and I don’t?”

5. Geography

We’ll be going on vacation this year, so there will be travel. We’ll be heading to the beach on the Atlantic Ocean side, which always awes me. There are a couple of beach programs we can take part in and we may even take some side trips on the way home.

Also, the kids went to camp. They traveled through three states to get there.

6. Science

The kids are on their own for lunch every day. For science, they’ll be sniffing containers in the fridge and making hypotheses regarding the contents.

Sometimes they forget to bring their dirty dishes from their rooms to the kitchen, so there will probably be various experiments involving mold growth – does mold grow better in the cup of tea I didn’t finish or on the half-eaten sandwich? You know, stuff like that.

7. Digital Media

We will be observing the works of various producers as well as a variety of genres (TV, movies, and video game production) and mediums (3-D, film, digital animation, etc.). We really like observing them at the theater with the recliners.

Plus, both kids will continue to pursue film-making as they both have their own YouTube channels for which they film, edit, and produce videos. (Yeah, seriously.)

8. Cultural Anthropology

We will study various subsets of society in their natural surroundings. Our main fields will most likely be the mall, the bowling alley, and the swimming pool.

9. Health and Fitness

We will not neglect health and fitness this summer. We’ll be visiting the indoor trampoline park, the bowling alley, and the swimming pool. Plus, I’ll be getting a good workout each afternoon dragging teenagers out of bed.

See? Learning truly does never stop. {ahem}

In what type of learning will you and your family be engaging this summer? (Bonus points if you’re funny!)

updated from an article originally published May 26, 2017

As a homeschooling parent and blogger, I’m used to some pretty outlandish comments about homeschooling. However, a recent one about how lazy and selfish homeschooling parents are really made me shake my head. Lazy and selfish? Seriously?

After giving it some thought, I came up with a few examples of such laziness and selfishness to go along with the ones (numbers 4 and 6) that the helpful commenter suggested.

It should go without saying that this is another dose of my sarcastic sense of humor. Unfortunately, I often find that it does not go without saying, so consider it said.

Also, please note that ordinary public and private school parents should not take offense. This post isn’t “us vs. them” and I’m not directing it toward you. I know you work your behinds off to feed, clothe, and care for your kids too.

On, the other hand, if you honestly think that homeschooling parents are lazy and selfish, I guess you can take offense, and we’ll call it even.

1. Homeschooling parents often sacrifice financially.

The majority of homeschooling families are single-income. I don’t know about all the other families, but if my family weren’t homeschooling, I’d most likely be working a full-time job.

I’d hazard to guess that the same applies to the majority of single-income homeschooling families. If so, it’s safe to say that may of them are foregoing vacations, home improvements (or a nicer home), newer cars, and the latest gadgets in order to homeschool.

Yep. Sounds selfish to me.

2. Single homeschooling parents and dual-income homeschooling families juggle their schedules to homeschool.

Single parents and dual-income families coordinate their schedules with their spouse or childcare provider. They give up downtime or hobbies in the evenings or on weekends to successfully homeschool their children.

They’re obviously lazy.

3. Homeschooling parents invest their time educating their children.

I love homeschooling, teaching, and learning alongside my kids, but there are certainly days when I’d rather be doing other things. I am usually just as disappointed as the kids for school breaks to end.

If you start in kindergarten, homeschooling is, at a minimum (depending on how many kids you have), a 13-year daily investment. That’s obviously the route of selfish and lazy individuals.

4. Homeschooling parents just don’t want to have to get up to get their kids on the bus in the mornings.

Yes, that is absolutely why we do this – so we can sleep a couple of extra hours.

5. Homeschooling parents spend time self-educating to teach their children more effectively.

One of my most selfish, lazy thoughts was, “I’d love to spend a few years of my adult life muddling through algebra again. Hey, I know – I’ll homeschool!”

6. Homeschooling parents don’t send their kids to school so that they don’t have to answer uncomfortable questions about drugs, alcohol, and sex.

Absolutely. My kids live in a bubble, and they never hear about or bring up those topics. Maybe some homeschooling parents can shelter their children from those things, but most of the homeschooled kids I know still have contact with other kids. They hear about all those topics and ask questions.

If they didn’t, all we’d need to do is turn on the TV. A few prime time commercials should bring up plenty of uncomfortable sex and alcohol topics.

Granted my kids were all probably older than many of their public schooled peers when they first encountered those topics, but honestly? I’m okay with that. I don’t think that makes me lazy. Instead, it makes me thankful that I could delay exposure to topics that they weren’t developmentally ready to understand.

7. Homeschooling parents willingly endure the stress of accepting sole responsibility for their children’s educations.

It doesn’t happen every night, but I’ve had my fair share of sleepless nights wondering if I’m teaching my kids all they need to know. There have been times when I’ve thought that maybe I should have sent them to public or private school so that if they really weren’t prepared academically, we could at least blame someone else.

The fact that I, along with the other homeschooling parents I know, are willing to shoulder that responsibility clearly speaks to our lazy and selfish nature.

8. Homeschooling parents often endure the ridicule of family, friends, and strangers.

When my oldest was in school, no one ever stopped me in the grocery store to tell me how crazy they thought it was that I was sending my child to school. I was never lambasted online or in person with someone’s opinion of how terrible a choice I was making and how I was ruining my kids’ lives.

I must have selfishly thought I’d enjoy all the attention.

9. Homeschooling parents are also part-time chauffeurs.

I know that all parents feel this way, but from my perspective as a homeschool mom, we don’t even have a bus to take our kids on cool field trips – it’s just us and our mini-vans. There’s no chance that our children will get to do some of their clubs, sports, and other extracurricular activities while they’re at school; we know we’re going to get to drive them.

Of course, all that time in the car together often proves fun. A car ride is one of the best ways to get a teen to talk to you. So, maybe that makes me selfish, but surely not lazy. When I’m ruinning my kids all over creation, I tend to feel more frazzled than lazy.

10. Homeschooling is a legal excuse from jury duty in some states.

I don’t have any problem performing my civic duty, and I actually find jury duty fascinating. However, my name seems to come up more than most people’s. I’ve served two or three times and been excused twice.

My first excuse was because I was the primary care provider for a child under the age of 2, and later I was excused due to my role of primary teaching parent in a homeschool.

Am I lazy and selfish enough to homeschool just to get out of jury duty? Hmmm…

Are you a lazy, selfish homeschool parent? In what way?

Because laughter does a body good, here’s another installment of search engine questions that led people to my site. A few of them are legitimate questions with serious answers, but most are funny – at least, I took them that way.

1. Can homeschooled kids get jobs? Yes. My homeschooled kids have had no trouble getting jobs. They are apparently very charming during interviews. I’m basing this on the fact that they are offered the job following an interview more often than not.

It usually comes up during the interview process that they’re homeschooled since it’s on their application. So far, it’s been no more than a curiosity for employers. It hasn’t seemed to be a drawback.

2. Can homeschooling moms ever have a clean house? Not for very long. At least that’s been my experience. I’ve given up trying to do it all.

3a. Can my child start with Easy Grammar Ultimate if they’ve never used the series before? Yes.

3b. Do I need Daily Grams if I have Easy Grammar? In my opinion, yes. You don’t need it, but Easy Grammar and Daily Grams complement each other.

3c. Do I need the Easy Grammar teacher’s book? Yes. Even if you’re an English major who never needs to crack the book to find the answer to a tricky question, the teacher’s book makes checking your student’s work so much quicker and easier.

4. Do you wake up your homeschooler? Yes. They’re teenagers. They would literally sleep until 3 or 4 o’clock in the afternoon if I didn’t wake them.

5. How do I make sure my homeschooled student’s credits count? I’m assuming this question is referring to high school students and college credits. There may be some colleges that give you grief (there’s one in every crowd), but most colleges are quite accepting of homeschoolers.

Most have information on their websites specifically for homeschooled students. Check the admissions requirements for potential colleges and don’t hesitate to contact them if you have questions.

I can’t recommend The Homescholar Guide to College Admission and Scholarships highly enough.

6. If you’re homeschooled, where do you say you go to school? At home. Alternately, you can name your homeschool and tell everyone it’s an exclusive private school, but my kids just tell people they go to school at home.

7. What kind of timer do you use in your homeschool? What makes this question funny is that it assumes all homeschoolers use timers. What makes it even funnier is that most of us could probably answer it without thinking. I still have this timer that I got at the 2:1 Conference years ago sitting on my bookshelf.

These days, I typically use my phone if we need a timer for something.

8. What do you tell people when asked why you homeschool? Your reasons. Okay, really, it depends on the setting, who’s asking, and why. If some random stranger in the grocery store is asking, I’d probably just say that it was a good fit for my family. If someone is genuinely curious and the setting allows for a more in-depth answer, I might go into the deeper reasons we homeschool.

9. Do I want to be homeschooled? Um, I’m not sure. Maybe. If you’re having trouble deciding, you might want to know why homeschooled kids like being homeschooled.

10. Do homeschoolers have to stand up early every morning? Again, um, I’m not quite sure. I mean, mine aren’t generally up early in the morning, standing or otherwise, so for us, that’s a no, but I can’t speak for everyone.

Bonus question: How do you make a model of a cell? Well, there are lots of ways to do it, but the very best way, in my humble opinion, is to make a cell cake.

What are some of the funniest questions you’ve been asked about homeschooling? Do you have any serious homeschool questions? Leave them in the comments and I’ll try to answer them.

This post is linked to Top Ten Tuesday and the Hip Homeschool Hop.