Some things that cause excitement for homeschool moms that just seem weird to the rest of the world. (And, of course, they already think we’re weird.)

Giddy fangirls? Homeschool moms?

Yeah, sometimes.

And just a quick shout-out to the homeschool dads. Yes, I know you’re out there. And I know that these things likely apply to you, too, but do you really want me comparing you to giddy fangirls?

1. The Sound of the Delivery Truck

It doesn’t matter if it’s UPS, FedEx, or USPS. When we hear those delivery trucks, and we know they’ve got something for us, there is giddy squealing.

Okay, sometimes even if we don’t know they’ve got something for us because what if they do? What if we ordered something we forgot about? You never know. Sometimes it happens.

2. Next Year’s Curriculum

Y’all. Seriously. Next year’s curriculum is always so much more fun than this year’s curriculum. It’s all shiny and new and full of promise, and we can’t wait to start using it.

(I just got most of mine, and that stack of books is a thing of beauty.)

That euphoria usually lasts until Week 2 of the new school year. If we’re lucky.

3. Art Supplies

“Oh, my gosh! Look at these gorgeous paints! Oh, my word! Look at these fantastic markers.”

Then, we lock them up in a cabinet marked, “Mom’s Stuff! Danger! Do Not Use Without Express Written Consent and Under Direct Supervision.”

This cabinet is also known as “The Place Where Great Art Supplies Go to Die.” That’s right. They’re never to be seen again until the paint is a dry, cracked mess, and the markers are too dried-out to draw more than a circle.

I recently went through my art box to see what I had that my niece might like. There was so much fantastic stuff in there. Stuff that had never been used. I got excited all over again. And, I still haven’t used it.

4. A Day at Home Alone

If you’re a homeschooling mom, your heart just skipped a beat when you read that. Yes, we love our kids. Yes, we enjoy spending time with them.

But, we do spend time with them. Every. Single. Day.

An empty house makes me want to do cartwheels.

I don’t because then I would be in the hospital, not at home basking in my day alone. But I think about it.

If you’re an introvert who is a homeschool mom, we just bonded over the words “home alone.” You know it’s true.

But let’s be virtual BFFs, m’kay? Because, we’re friends and all, but not if you come over and disrupt my alone time.

5. School Supplies

Spiral notebooks and composition books. Every year, I stock up on them when they’re something like $0.10 and $0.50 a piece.

And, every year I have to find new places to store them because I still have leftovers from the year before. I know this when I buy them, but I can’t resist when they’re so cheap. We might need them.

Freshly-sharpened, Ticonderoga pencils.

See? You just squealed. I heard you.

Does anyone other than homeschooling moms care enough about pencils to have a brand preference? (Okay, probably artists.) Come on. You know it’s true. And, if you don’t have a brand preference, I bet you’ve got mechanical versus standard pencil preference.

And, don’t even get me started on new crayons.

6. Planners

I heard you. You squealed again. You know what’s bad? Many of us have more than one. I love the planners from A Plan in Place – teacher, student, early-learner. They’re all fantastic.

Google calendar? We’re BFF’s!

And, it may not exactly be a planner, but it’s the same idea – the Tick Tick app. All the heart-eyes, y’all.

7. A Warm Sunny Day in the Middle of Winter

Or a warm sunny day in the middle of what is supposed to be spring but still feels like winter. Those days mean it’s time to put the books aside and go to the park or on a nature walk. They mean it’s time to grab a blanket and read outside or throw open the windows and do school-light with the breeze ruffling the papers.

Those unseasonably warm days mean spring is almost here. That means that we’ve almost survived another homeschool year that started getting really long sometime around January.

Those days mean that summer is not too far away and we can take a break, put away the books, and not think about school for a while.

That feeling lasts about 2 or 3 weeks. Then we start drooling over next year’s curriculum and planning the brand-new year that we’re suddenly oh-so-excited about.

How many of these things made you squeal like a fangirl? What did I miss?

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I remember one time one of my kids asked me what a co-op was. Because we’d never done co-ops, they had no idea, and it never occurred to me to explain it.

I think there are a lot of school terms like that, too. Some terms homeschooled kids might not understand include hall pass, car rider, and IEP. Or, you know, alarm clock and single-file line.

As I am wont to do, I decided to help out all those poor little unsocialized homeschoolers – with a little dose of humor because humor is my favorite.

– A –

Alarm clock – An alarm clock is a time-telling device that allows you to set the alarm (usually an incessant buzzing or beeping noise) that will begin at the time you wish to awaken from sleep. Kids in traditional school settings use it to wake them up so that they can arrive at school on time. You may have a similar device on your smartphone under “clock.”

– B –

Bell – A bell is used in public and private school settings (usually in middle school and high school) to notify students that it is time for classes to start and end. There are usually one or two bells in the morning to signify the beginning of school, on at the end of the day, and one at the end of each period or block (i.e., class) and the beginning of the next.

Birthday – The celebration of one’s date of birth. Unless they were born in the summer or around a typical school break, most kids have to attend school on their birthday. Most kids’ birthdays are not school holidays. {Please take all the time you need to recover from this shock.}

Bully – A person at school who picks on another either physically, mentally, or both. {Yes, it is similar to a sibling, but not the same.}

– C –

Car rider – A student whose parents pick him or her up in the family automobile at the end of each school day. The term car rider differentiates these students from those who ride a bus.

Car rider line – The line of cars that wrap around a school building each afternoon to pick up the car riders. The car rider line is often the place where a parent realizes that he or she should not have consumed that last cup of tea or coffee before driving to pick up his or her student.

Clothes – Clothes are items worn to cover the body, most often with the intent of going out in public. Most people put on actual clothes – the kind you’d wear to go somewhere (not PJs) – every day. Yes, really.

– D –

Dawn – Dawn is the time of day when light from the sun is just appearing in the sky – the time just before sunrise. It is the time that most traditionally-schooled kids get up to get ready for school. Alternately, it is the time that signals to many students that they are now running late to school.

Doctor’s excuse – A note a student must have from his doctor, dentist, or orthodontist stating that he did, in fact, have an appointment and it therefore allowed to make up any missed schoolwork. {You don’t need one because your school administrator is most likely the person who drove you to the doctor.}

– E –

Exams – Tests that students must take to show their mastery of a given subject matter. There are:

• quizzes (short tests that don’t affect a grade as heavily as a test)
• pop quizzes (surprise quizzes that strike fear into the hearts of students everywhere)
• chapter tests (at the end of each chapter)
• unit tests (at the end of each unit)
• and finals (comprehensive exams at the end of a semester or school year)

Excused absence – An absence from school for which a student is not penalized (unless there are too many) and is allowed to make up missed work. An excused absence may include a sick day, a doctor visit, or a death in the family. An excused absence does not include a family vacation during the off-season, an unseasonably warm day in the middle of winter, or student birthdays.

– F –

Friends – Friends, or classmates, are just like the people you know from co-op, church, or your neighborhood except they’re likely all born within the same 365-day period as you.

– G –

Grades – Grades are typically a letter or number (percentage) used to indicate a student’s mastery of a topic or performance on a test or assignment. There are letter grades such as A, B, C, D, and F or S (satisfactory) or U (unsatisfactory) and number grades that are a percentage of 100.

In a traditional school setting, students are assigned a grade, and the class moves on with struggling students getting help from a teacher, tutor, or parent, unlike in a homeschool setting where your parent makes you correct all the incorrect answers and demonstrate that you understand them before moving on.

– H –

Homework – The work kids do on their own after they leave school. You may have homework if you attend a homeschool co-op. If not, you may opt to think of all of your work or none of it as homework.

Hall pass – A piece of paper (or other creative marker made of wood, plastic, or other material) indicating that you have a teacher’s permission to be out of class and walking in the hallway. A bathroom pass is similar, giving a student permission to go to the bathroom and return to class. {Yes you need permission.}

– I –

IEP – An IEP is an Individualized Education Plan. This plan is used for students who may have special needs or learning differences. It indicates the types of classroom modifications that a student can expect to have. These are modifications that your parent probably already does – without the hassle of multiple meetings.

Intercom – A loudspeaker system in each classroom that school administrators use to make announcements and request that a student or teacher come to the office. Your mom (or dad) probably just yells through the house.

– L –

Line – A line is the (usually) organized fashion in which a group of students moves from one location to another. When someone says, “Get in a single-file line,” they mean to stand with your front facing the back of the person in front of you. Field trip destinations are very befuddled when homeschoolers don’t know how to do this, so try practicing with a few friends or siblings.

Line leader – The person at the front of the line who gets to determine the course for everyone behind him. It is a highly coveted position sought after by cries of, “I want to be the line leader! It’s my turn to be the line leader!”

– M –

Maps – You know what a map is because you likely have them all over your dining room wall and lining your hallway. What’s important for homeschoolers to know is that most people don’t decorate with those. I mean, some people do frame antique, decorative maps, but most people don’t have them all over their homes.

– N –

Nerds – Nerds are basically kids who are super-excited about their interests without regard for whether or not anyone else is interested. The term is generally considered an insult in most school settings, but they’re actually pretty cool kids. Nerds are different from geeks in that nerds are presumed to have fewer social skills and geeks tend to obsess about sci-fi-related topics.

– P –

Picture Day – This is the day in which a photographer comes to the school to take pictures of all the students. Children are usually expected to dress up and must keep their hair, clothes, and makeup (if applicable) free from blemishes until after they’ve had their pictures taken. Woe to the kids who have their pictures taken after lunch or P.E.

Principal – The administrator and chief disciplinarian at a school. Sometimes homeschool dads are referred to as the principal of the school. It’s rather unusual for most principals to kiss the teachers. If you go to a traditional school and see the principal and a teacher making out, you should probably tell an adult.

PTO Meeting – PTO stands for parent-teacher organization. A PTO meeting is a regular monthly or quarterly meeting in which parents and teachers get together to discuss school-related news, issues, and concerns. At your house, you probably call this family dinner.

– R –

Resource officer – A resource officer, or school resource officer (SRO), is a police officer who works at a school to prevent crime and keep students safe. Unless your mom or dad is a police officer – or you have a really big dog – your homeschool probably doesn’t have a resource officer.

Recess – Recess is when traditionally-schooled students are allowed to play outside. Some kids don’t get recess if they are in trouble and haven’t completed all their school work. Most homeschool parents value their sanity too much to take away recess (outside play time) as punishment.

– S –

Summer break – Summer break refers to the time when traditionally-schooled kids are off of school from late-May or early-June to mid- or late-August. You probably know it as the time you avoid public playgrounds, museums, zoos, and other kid-friendly places because they’re so stinking crowded.

Silent lunch – Unfortunately, many schools have instituted silent lunches so that children will have time to eat. That means that they are not allowed to talk in the cafeteria during lunch. Your mom (or dad) might sometimes call for silent lunch when they’ve had one of those days.

– T –

Teacher’s Pet – A teacher’s pet is the kid who is the teacher’s favorite. The teacher may dote on this student and allow special privileges. {Again, this may sound a lot like a sibling, but it’s not the same.}

Tardy – Tardy means late. Excessive tardies may get students in trouble. They may have to serve detention (staying after school as punishment). For a homeschooled kid, this may look a lot like your parent saying, “For the last time, get out of bed and get your schoolwork started!!”

– U –

Uniforms – Uniforms are the clothes that kids must wear to school. Some schools don’t require uniforms, but others require students to wear a particular color and type of pants and shirts. No, not pajamas. No, not your favorite homeschool t-shirt. Like, dress pants and a button-down shirt.

– V –

Valedictorian – A valedictorian is the student who graduates high school with the highest grade point average of all the students in the graduating class. If you homeschool, it’s probably you – unless you’re one of a set of twins, triplets, etc. In that case, check with your mom or dad.

– W –

Wrapping paper – Wrapping paper is that stuff that you buy for a few dollars a roll to wrap gifts for special occasions such as Christmas or birthday – unless you’re in public school. Then, wrapping paper is that stuff that you sell to neighbor’s and relatives for lots of dollars a (small) roll to raise money for your school to purchase needed supplies and equipment.

I hope this glossary helps your homeschooled kids to understand these school-related terms

What school-related concepts have you had to explain to your homeschooled kids?

Learning never stops. That’s what homeschooling mamas like to say – sometimes in kind of a snippy little way. Don’t get mad. You know it’s true. Sometimes.

If you’re one of those homeschooling mamas (or dads) under whose watch learning (at least the formal variety) really does never stop, move along. There’s nothing to see here.

However, if you’re one of those homeschooling mamas at a house where learning comes to screeching halt on the last day of school before summer break and your kids have entirely too much screen time all summer long and you feel guilty because learning clearly has stopped, read on.

You are not alone, my friend.

Warning: This is one of those posts that is meant to be read with a sense of humor. If you are easily offended – well, if you’re easily offended, you’re probably already offended by the intro, but if that didn’t do it, you might want to stop reading now.

And, if you’re one of those people who is going to insist that this is really, truly how homeschooling families “learn” all the time, you should probably stop reading.

Oh, and one other thing, this is intended to be a comical look at our summer break. When we start school in August, never fear – we’ll be back to real, honest-to-Pete learning.

1. Summer Reading

We’ll be doing lots of summer reading this year. The year Megan got her first cell phone, its texting memory was at 80% within the first twelve hours. It wasn’t a smartphone, so had to delete messages – 27 pages of messages in the online log. She had the summer reading program award in the bag that year, and she’s never really slowed down. Josh is not quite so avid a reader, but he holds his own in the summer reading club.

2. Math

Of course, we’ll be keeping up with math, too. We like to do consumer math during the summer. Refills on the Roo cups at the local convenience store are $0.29. Tax is included.

“To get my Roo cup filled, I’ll need how much money?”

That’s right – $0.29.

Plus, you know, there’s the counting of change. No simple quarters this year. See? Math.

3. Writing

Never fear. Writing will not be neglected this summer either. I will wake up to find sticky notes stuck to my laptop. “Will you get more chips while you’re at the store,” or “Mom, we’re out of Pop-Tarts.”

Oh, and Megan is constantly working on a couple of novels-in-progress, so she’ll spend some time on those. (Yes, seriously. She is her mother’s child.)

4. History

History is always big at our house. This summer, it will probably include things like, “Why did he/she get to do {fill in the blank with the activity in question + choose from the following: last year, at X-age} and I don’t?”

5. Geography

We’ll be going on vacation this year, so there will be travel. We’ll be heading to the beach on the Atlantic Ocean side, which always awes me. There are a couple of beach programs we can take part in and we may even take some side trips on the way home.

Also, the kids went to camp. They traveled through three states to get there.

6. Science

The kids are on their own for lunch every day. For science, they’ll be sniffing containers in the fridge and making hypotheses regarding the contents.

Sometimes they forget to bring their dirty dishes from their rooms to the kitchen, so there will probably be various experiments involving mold growth – does mold grow better in the cup of tea I didn’t finish or on the half-eaten sandwich? You know, stuff like that.

7. Digital Media

We will be observing the works of various producers as well as a variety of genres (TV, movies, and video game production) and mediums (3-D, film, digital animation, etc.). We really like observing them at the theater with the recliners.

Plus, both kids will continue to pursue film-making as they both have their own YouTube channels for which they film, edit, and produce videos. (Yeah, seriously.)

8. Cultural Anthropology

We will study various subsets of society in their natural surroundings. Our main fields will most likely be the mall, the bowling alley, and the swimming pool.

9. Health and Fitness

We will not neglect health and fitness this summer. We’ll be visiting the indoor trampoline park, the bowling alley, and the swimming pool. Plus, I’ll be getting a good workout each afternoon dragging teenagers out of bed.

See? Learning truly does never stop. {ahem}

In what type of learning will you and your family be engaging this summer? (Bonus points if you’re funny!)

updated from an article originally published May 26, 2017