What if My Teen Doesn’t Know What He Wants to Be When He Grows Up?

August 24, 2017 By Amy Dingmann

Written by Amy Dingmann of The Hmmm…schooling Mom.

As moms of older kids, we sometimes get caught up in worrying about teen apathy. We start to wonder when our older kids will step up, take responsibility, and figure out what they want to do with their life.

Right?

Yes, well.

To be perfectly honest with you, sometimes the desire for our kids to figure out their life plan—and our frustration with the fact they haven’t figured it out yet—is an entirely selfish thing. We all have this huge fear that our kids are going to experience a massive failure to launch. We imagine them running into the great beyond and, after tripping over their shoelaces, falling flat on their face.

And then what happens? (At least, what do we worry will happen?) Everyone will look at the kid who is flailing on the ground with dirt up their nose and scuffed knees – and then turn to stare at the mom.

Ermehgerd. What will the people think of the homeschooling mom if her kids become adults and can’t adult? If they have no huge aspirations to take over the world? If their life goal isn’t something that will make people stand up and take notice (or at least get their name in the local news publication)?

I mean, I can’t be the only mom with this secret, completely selfish fear.

Let me explain.

We were at the eye doctor recently, and during the exam, the doctor asked my oldest, “So what do you think you might want to do for work after you graduate?”

My son shrugged and mentioned something about searching for any job that would allow him to work the night shift because he’s not much of a morning person.

Great. Great. Your only aspiration in life is to work a job that doesn’t require you to wake up with the sun?

Gah. I’ll be here, hiding in the corner.

It’s fun to ask little kids what they want to be when they grow up because superhero and princess are totally acceptable answers. Little kids can rock an answer like that. But when you ask a teenager what their future plans are, you expect something a little more realistic. Something a little less Spiderman and a little more software developer.

When you ask a teen what their future plans are, you expect something a little less Spiderman and a little more software developer.Click To Tweet

Now, there are some kids who know what they want to do with their life. Some kids know from the time they’re old enough to think about the future that they want to be a nurse or a teacher or a cop or a doctor. Or they want to fix cars or run a restaurant or sew costumes for a theater company.

But there are lots of other kids who just shrug their shoulders and mutter, “I don’t know.”

And it’s frustrating. Now, yes—sometimes they don’t know because they’re not taking the time to think about it, but more often than not, they don’t know yet because they really don’t know. They haven’t found that thing that really sticks out for them.

And so, as a mom, you wait. And. You. Wait. And you keep hoping that something will happen. Something will click. Something will inspire them to care.

And you’re hoping that this something happens before you’re forced to come up with really creative answers to counteract the raised eyebrow stares from a group of moms who are talking about their future nurse practitioners and mechanical engineers.

But here is the amazing thing, y’all. One day, it happens.

One day while you’re lost in the land of ohmywordmykidisnevergoingtofindthethinghewantstodowithhislife, it happens.

Something clicks. Something inspires them.

It happens.

And the crazy thing is that the thing might be something that’s totally outside your knowledge base. It might be something you were not directly involved in bringing into their life. It might be something that you’re thinking, um, where did this come from? It might be something you didn’t see coming or never would have thought your kid would be interested in as a career.

But it will hit, and it will hit hard, and you will know by the way their eyes light up that this – this is something.

The something.

It happened most recently to my oldest. The one whose primary aspiration was to work a job that started at 11 pm.

He wants to build custom guitars.

I mean….what? What the ever lovin’ what?

Did you even know there are luthier schools?

I didn’t.

(Did you just have to Google luthier? It means a maker of stringed instruments. Even spell check doesn’t think it’s a word.)

So now he’s in the garage with the band saw and the router and coming up with plans and designs and dreaming and imagining and all the things, you guys. Now, this kid is on fire.

It happened. He found his thing.

And looking back, you can totally put the pieces together. You can see how little bits of the puzzle finally fit. The kid who has done multiple shop projects for 4H and won champion ribbons. The kid who is really interested in graphic design but didn’t feel like graphic design was totally his calling. This kid who plays stringed instruments for hours a day – and critiques the set up and shape and contemplates how he would tweak them to make them better.

It makes perfect sense now, but you can’t see all of that from the other side. It only makes sense looking backward.

And when you see your kid figure this out, this thing where his eyes light up, and he says, “This is what I want to do”… do you know how that makes you feel as a mama?

Like the whole dang room is filled with onions. That’s what it feels like.

Provide your teens with opportunities to experience many different things, and be patient.Click To Tweet

Have faith, mamas. It will happen.

It happens at a different time for every kid. But it happens. Provide them with opportunities to experience many different things, and be patient. You might be surprised how they will put it all together and what the package will look like when it’s done, but they will find their thing.

And it will be amazing.

Has your kid found his or her something yet? What is it?

Should I Homeschool?

August 22, 2017 By Kris Bales

When parents who were considering homeschooling ask me, “Should I homeschool,” I don’t offer an immediate yes or no answer. It’s a difficult question to answer because homeschooling is a personal choice and a serious commitment.

I don’t necessarily think everyone should homeschool – but I do think everyone should consider it as a viable educational option. Rather than tell you whether I believe that you should or shouldn’t homeschool, I’ll tell you why we decided to give it a try and why, over a decade later, I’m glad we did.

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My oldest, now a homeschool grad, went to public school for kindergarten and 1st grade. We soon discovered that my beautiful, curious, intelligent, book-loving little girl wasn’t a traditional-learner type. She is the artistic, big-picture, out-of the-box type who, as it turns out, has dyslexia.

After two rather miserable years, during which her love of books and reading was squashed by the daily assault to teach her how to read (with undiagnosed dyslexia), we decided to give homeschooling a trial run.

By Christmas break, it was clear that homeschooling, with its ability to offer tailored education and one-on-one teaching, was the perfect fit for our non-traditional learner. We never looked back, adding her younger siblings into the mix as they reached school age.

Customized education

One of the biggest benefits of homeschooling is the ability to customize my kids’ education to their specific needs. My oldest quickly caught on to reading with Sing, Spell, Read, and Write, so I thought I was ready for the next two.

Guess what? Sing, Spell, Read, and Write didn’t work for them. For my boy, none of the many reading programs we tried had more than minimal success until we discovered Lexercise. He was officially diagnosed with dyslexia and learned, through at-home therapy sessions, to work around it.

I have always loved a hands-on, eclectic, unit-study-inspired approach to learning. That’s exactly what we did up until the year I discovered, to my horror (I’m kidding – mostly), that my teens prefer workbooks.

Guess what? They used workbooks for a couple of years before moving on to a more eclectic mix of resources.

Homeschooling means that I don’t have to force a particular program or homeschool style on my kids. They can learn using the materials and approach that best suits them, adjusting as their needs change.

No labels

I have two children with dyslexia and one, possibly two, with ADHD. In school, they would have been labeled, medicated, and made to feel stupid (even if unintentionally) because they don’t learn well in a traditional setting with conventional methods.

That does not mean that they are not intelligent. It does mean that our children are not cookie-cutter replicas of one another. It doesn’t make sense that we expect the same teaching methods to be effective for everyone.

Because we homeschool, my kids have never been made to feel less-than. I can naturally and easily make accommodations so that their areas of struggle don’t have to hinder them from reaching their full potential.

Homeschooling allows my kids time to explore their gifts and talents. My oldest – the one-time struggling reader – loves books, including Shakespeare, which many find difficult to follow. She knits beautiful blankets, hats, scarves, and baby booties. She loves drawing and creating cosplay costumes.

My boy is an incredibly talented musician who can tell you more than you ever thought there was to know about guitars and quite a bit about muscle cars. He’s built half a dozen computers.

My youngest loves writing stories, painting, and singing. She has an eye for photography and image composition.

Homeschooling means that my kids are known for their strengths, not their weaknesses.

Input on education

Another enormous benefit of homeschooling is that I can choose our curriculum and have an impact on what my kids are learning. I am not a fan of Common Core or politically-correct history, and as a Christian family, it is vital to me that our day includes prayer and Bible study.

My teens and I can discuss what they’re learning and how that meshes with our worldview. That doesn’t mean that we shy away from controversial topics or views that are contrary to ours. It does mean that I know what they’re learning and that we can discuss issues in light of our beliefs.

We can focus on things that are important to us based on my kids’ interests and future and current plans. For example, Josh has incorporated music instruction and theory, along with computer literacy in his education because those are where his interests and career goals lie.

Megan loves photography and took a photography course in 9th grade. She’s making plans to prepare for dual-enrollment courses to get a head-start on college credit because she’s considering becoming a counselor.

Homeschooling means that I have a direct impact on my kids’ educations.

If you’re considering homeschooling, I can’t tell you what is right for your family – what you should do – but I can encourage you to explore your options and consider giving it a try. After our trial year that turned into a lifestyle, I often told would-be homeschooling parents: Give homeschooling a try. You can’t ruin your kids in a year.

You won’t know if homeschooling is a good fit for your family until you do it.

What advice would you give to a family considering homeschooling?

updated from an article originally published July 20, 2015

6 Perfectly Good Reasons to Extend Summer Break

August 17, 2017 By Adrienne Bolton

Written by Adrienne Bolton of The Mommy Mess.

Well, it’s that time of year again. August. You know what that means, right? We can finally enjoy leaving the house again because the rest of the world is going back-to-school!

Here in Florida, the weather is muggy, mosquitoes are out for blood, and the afternoon thunderstorms roll in daily around 2 pm. We haven’t had any kind of routine here in months and I’m starting to wonder if we’ll ever fully recover from what I’m sure is the longest summer in the history of our homeschool.

Although we could probably use some routine around here, I’m not starting school yet.

Why?

My answer is simple: What’s the rush?

As homeschoolers, we have the flexibility to make our school calendar look any way we want. Isn’t that a beautiful thing? This year I declared no school until after Labor Day and I’m so glad I stuck to the decision.

If you’re looking for a few good reasons to put off back-to-school and extend summer break I’ve got you covered!

6 Perfectly Good Reasons to Extend Summer Break

1. It’s a huge morale booster!

Although I had no idea the later start date would have such a positive impact, the news seemed to lighten the school mood immediately. My son’s whole perspective on starting back has shifted from anxious to excited!

Instead of the usual doom and gloom attitude (Yes, even homeschoolers dread school.), he is actually looking forward to it. I hadn’t planned on my procrastination actually being a winning homeschool mom strategy, but I’ll take it!

2. You can visit your favorite summer hot spots without the crowds.

See a movie one last time! Hit the beach or pool, go shopping, visit a museum. Do whatever the heck you want because you haven’t started school yet! All of your favorite spots just got better because everyone else is finally back in school. Go ahead and take advantage of a few more crowd-free weeks of summer!

3. Schedule all of those pesky appointments.

Doctor and dentist visits always seem to sneak up on me and ruin my momentum. Use the extra time off to get everyone in for cleanings and exams. Remember to take care of your own health appointments too! It’s a great time to cross these interruptions off the list and know they won’t be creeping up again until next year.

4. You don’t need the extra instruction time.

Remember when starting school in September was actually normal? It seems like the start date of public school keeps getting earlier and earlier each year. What is up with that?

We generally need the standard 36 weeks to complete our lessons, but we also work at our own pace. What the calendar looks like is totally up to me. Just because we start a little later doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll finish late. And let’s be honest, we all know we’re not going to finish everything in the lesson plans no matter how early we start!

5. Allow more time for planning.

I promised myself I wouldn’t spend all summer worrying about the upcoming school year. I put off curriculum purchases, ignored catalogs, and scrolled by anything related to back-to-school on my Facebook feed.

Last week I finally broke down and actually checked out when shopping online for books instead of just adding them to my cart and walking away from my laptop for another two weeks. If you’re anything like me, you could use some more time to get ready and plan a strong start to the year.

6. Sometimes a break is better than routine.

Don’t let the “We just need to get back to a routine” homeschool moms make you feel guilty either! Routine is great and I know we’d probably benefit from getting back to it in many ways, but a longer break wins this year for our family. We needed this long break.

We still need it!

When does your family start school? What would you do with a few more weeks of summer?

Will This Be the Year? (Back to School and the Struggling Learner)

August 10, 2017 By Shawna Wingert

Written by Shawna Wingert of Not the Former Things.

It’s August. Homeschooling moms everywhere are preparing and planning for the new year. Even year round schoolers like me, can’t help but get caught up in the excitement.

There’s something about the opportunity, the renewed focus, and the promise of a new school year.

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Will This Be The Year?

While this fresh start brings a lot of joy and newness for me, it also brings with it one question every year.

Will this be the year?

Will this be the year he finally learns to read independently?

Will this be the year all of the interventions begin to help?

Will this be the year we finally figure this out?

Back to School and the Struggling Learner

My son is eleven years old. He loves animals and anything water related. He collects gemstones and loves to tell me elaborate stories about heroes in other, make-believe lands.

My son is eleven years old. He can barely read at a second-grade level and struggles every day to write his own name efficiently. Last week, he couldn’t read the word “the” even though he has seen it, practiced it and read it a thousand times before.

The older he gets, the more getting ready for a new school year feels like an assessment and, if I am being honest, a failure on both our parts. It can be discouraging, for both my son and me to begin a new school year in what feels like the exact same place we began the last.

I don’t want to go into our new year discouraged, and I certainly don’t want my son to feel like he is starting off already behind. In an effort to avoid the “Will This Be The Year?” question and subsequent dismay, this year I have tried to be intentional about focusing on what I know to be true about homeschooling in general, and especially homeschooling children with learning differences.

Here is what I am reminding myself of as we begin this school year.

1. A New Year Does Not Equal New Curriculum

Last year, we finally started Level Two in our All About Reading Program. It was a beautiful day. Not only did it feel wonderful to see my son making progress, but the truth is, it took him two and a half years to fully work through Level One. Two and a half years.

While it was slow progress, it was progress just the same. One of the greatest benefits of homeschooling is that we can move through learning at our own pace. Just as it took more than twice the average amount of time to finish Level One in his reading program, my son moved through two years worth of science in the last nine months.

As we start a new school year, we are continuing with our curriculum from last year, right smack dab in the middle of it – because we can and because it just makes sense for my son.

2. Individualized Goals Help Us See Progress

Rather than setting goals by subject, the way one might in school (i.e. complete fifth-grade math program) I have started to set goals for my son that are much more specific and individualized. For example, one of the goals I have for him this year is to be able to consistently spell and write his own last name. It may seem simple, but this is an achievable and valuable next step for my son.

When he achieves it, we will both celebrate his progress, rather than comparing it to any grade level standard. Which brings me to…

3. Forget About Grade Level

Grade levels were created specifically for the modern school system to help group students together. They do not have to factor into our homeschooling at all. And yet, I constantly find myself comparing and struggling against “grade level.”

The reality is that grade level matters very little when homeschooling. As I mentioned before, my son reads at a second-grade level but completes seventh-grade science. Neither is an accurate measure of his ability or progress. This year, grade level is not even a part of my plan for the new school year.

Great books, fun experiments, exciting field trips, and engaging ideas for hands-on reading practice are how my son learns best. As we begin the new school year, I am purposing not to ask “Will this be the year?” Instead, I am challenging myself to ask, “How can we do more of what is working?”

So far, we are off to a great start!

What do you need to remind yourself as you begin the new homeschool year?

Growing Up: It’s a Process

June 29, 2017 By Amy Dingmann

Written by Amy Dingmann of The Hmmm…schooling Mom.

I’m glad my kids are growing up. Parenting children who are getting older and gaining independence has its perks.

For instance, I have nothing to do with bath time anymore, which gives me at least a half hour of free time I didn’t have when my sons were little. The only thing I have to worry about now is making sure there is manly smelling shampoo and body wash for them to use.

Oh. And when they’re done I have to remind them to pick their clothes up off the bathroom floor.

“Please pick your clothes up off the bathroom floor.”

I mean, these kids are teens. They should understand how this works.

“Please. Pick your clothes up off the bathroom floor.”

Seriously. It’s not that hard.

“Pleasepickyourclothesupoffthebathroomfloor.”

And then one day after showering, one of my sons did! Sweet Jesus! He remembered! He actually picked his clothes up off the bathroom floor and brought them to the laundry room!

…and laid them on top of the closed washer.

Sigh.

Son. You write music. You have built your own computer. You can cook a decent meal from scratch. Please tell me that you do understand you have to open the washer and put the clothes inside (preferably, with soap) because a hose is not going to magically snake its way out of the washer to rinse the teen boy funk from what you’ve been wearing.

So many sighs. So many deep, heavy sighs.

Growing up. It’s a process.

Hear me now, mamas of kids who are getting older: growing up is a process.

But here’s the thing.

Maybe in some way, we’re all still in the process of growing up. Because the fact that my sons cannot get the laundry in the machine is no different than the fact I sometimes can’t remember to take the laundry out of the machine before it starts to smell musty. Or that if I do get it into the dryer, there is a good chance it’s going to be cold and wrinkled before I think about it again.

Let’s face it. The only reason my family thinks I’m a grown-up who is amazing at doing the laundry is because they haven’t figured out that I just restart the dryer and fluff everything up again.

Can I get an amen?

It’s great when our kids show signs of moving on and moving forward and becoming more responsible. And there is so much of that as our kids get older! Their brains are exploding with creativity and all the and growth about things they can do and handle and be.

But there is also so much of the other stuff which is what do you mean you can’t find your math? How can you not remember how to use the coffee pot? Aren’t you just the kid who edited a 14-minute video using a brand new software you just got a few hours ago?

Growing up is a process.

But what if they don’t grow up? What if they can never complete a task?

I get it. We want our kids to be responsible. We want them to prove they’re going to be able to adult with the best of ‘em. We’re fearful when they can’t complete a task because we think it means we haven’t taught them well, or they aren’t listening, or that they flat out don’t care. That’s when we start to envision them living in our basement when they are 45.

But y’all, I’m the proud owner of a house (or at least a mortgage), and I can assure you that sometimes the water in the sink gets cold before I finish the load of dishes that is in it.

Because life. Because a million things are going on in my head. Because…hey. Isn’t that exactly what’s going on with my kids and their ever-expanding minds as well?

Why am I freaking out at my kids for not remembering to bring the stack of dishes out of their bedroom when I literally cannot remember what I just walked into the living room to do?

Puberty does crazy things to your brain and memory, whether it’s your first time through or {cough} your second {cough}.

It’s okay. Your kids WILL grow up. And they will adult.

As our kids grow, we’re proud when we see glimpses of responsibility. We cheer because we view those moments as hints that our kids might actually grow up to handle what life throws at them.

Which is great. But let’s not freak out too much when they have moments of irresponsibility or forgetfulness. Because seriously, adults still have those same moments, too.

Sometimes we equate growing up with being responsible or remembering to do the things we’re supposed to or completing the task we are given. And while all those things are important, let’s not get too hung up on them. Because growing up is a process for all of us. Our brains are busy, life happens, and the struggle is real.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a load of laundry that needs to be fluffed.