When I wrote about what my kids wish we’d done differently in our homeschool, I said I was going to write about what I wish we’d done differently. However, after spending a lot of pondering it, I realized that not much has changed since I wrote, 10 Things I’d Change if I Could Have a Homeschool Do-Over.

The changes I mentioned in that article still ring true. With only one exception, any additional changes I’d add are more about parenting than homeschooling.

However, that one exception is a big one, and it’s something that I’d do differently in a heartbeat if given a chance.

If I could have a homeschool rewind, the most significant change I would make is that I would work on building sibling cooperation instead of competition where academics are concerned.

Don’t misunderstand. I’m all for healthy competition. I’m not a participation ribbon kind of parent. In sports and games, there are winners and losers. Kids need to learn how to be both graciously.

However, academics are not the place to encourage competition between siblings, particularly when one or more of them have learning challenges.

Of course, I didn’t realize that we were dealing with learning challenges in the beginning and it wasn’t my goal to make the kids competitive. We were just playing games to make learning more fun.

I didn’t purposely set out to instill in my kids a need to “one-up” each another. And, maybe that would have happened anyway. Maybe it’s just a sibling thing. However, although they get along and love each other, I see a level of competitiveness between my kids that I wish I could replace with cooperation.

Tips for Building Sibling Cooperation in Your Homeschool

Based on my experience, the following are some of the ways to use hands-on learning games to encourage kids to work together and support one another, rather than compete against each other.

1. Play cooperative games.

Play cooperative games instead of competitive games when learning skill-based subjects such as reading or math facts. Rather than playing the typical “whoever gets the most points/answers the quickest/outdoes the other kid” games, play games in which students work together to reach a common goal. It’s often a case of merely adjusting the rules.

Instead of saying, “Whoever gets the most points wins a prize,” you might say, “When you accumulate so many points as a team, we’ll all have a treat.”  Or, “If you work together to figure out the answer in under so many minutes, you all earn {incentive}.”

Cooperative games encourage teamwork, critical-thinking skills, and interpersonal skills. Each of those is as vital as academic knowledge, particularly when the people you’re building them with are your siblings.

2. Play games based on chance.

If you want to play “competitive” games to practice or drill facts such as multiplication tables or sight words, play games based on chance rather than superior skill. Bingo and Go Fish are both excellent options for practicing reading and math skills, and neither requires students to compete with each other based on their mastery of the skill. Instead, the luck of the draw determines the winner.

3. Encourage personal competition.

Instead of competing against each other, encourage your kids to beat their personal best. I am a bit addicted to the game 1010. Sometimes, Brian will notice that I’m playing a game on my phone and ask if I’m winning (because it’s usually Words with Friends). When I’m playing 1010, I’ll reply, “It’s not a game that you win or lose.”

“Why play?” he’ll ask.

Because it’s fun trying to beat my high score. (Well, it was, until I had a really good game. Now, I’ve got a crazy high score that I’m not sure I’ll ever beat. It’s still fun to try, though.)

I know a lot of people don’t like them, but Brianna used to enjoy those timed math drills. That’s my kind of thing, too – working to beat my own personal best.

Maybe your kids need to practice sight words. Give them their own set of word cards and let each keep track of how many words they read correctly each time, trying to increase every time they read through them. Or try something like 5 Minutes to Better Reading Skills.

(Tip: Don’t make them practice in front of each other and, if they’re at a similar skill level, give them different sets of word cards to discourage competing.)

Teach your kids to root for, encourage, and support one another, rather than trying to one-up each other.Click to Tweet

As I said, I’m not a participation ribbon kind of parent. Family game night? Play competitive board games and make the winner earn it.  Sports? Go for the trophy. Geography or spelling bee at co-op? Give it your best to be the last one standing.

But, siblings working alongside siblings in your homeschool? Learn from my biggest homeschool regret. Teach them to root for, encourage, and support one another, rather than trying to one-up each other.

How do you encourage cooperative sibling relationships in your homeschool?

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Most of our homeschooling years are in the rearview mirror now.  With two graduates and a high school junior, I’ve spent a lot of time lately thinking about what I would do with a homeschool rewind.

A few years ago, I shared some homeschool do-over thoughts, but now I can add a different perspective to it – the input of my grown homeschoolers.

They were a little hesitant to help me with this post. They were afraid they’d hurt my feelings because they all agreed that, overall, their homeschool experience was a positive one. However, once I convinced them that I could take it, they opened up with some insightful feedback.

What My Homeschooled Kids Wish We’d Done Differently

It’s interesting to note that some of the changes they identified, the kids openly admitted they would not have liked at the time. So, there are a few “for your own good” suggestions.

Also thought-provoking was Josh’s comment that everyone he talked to who went to public school says they wish they could have tried homeschooling. And, all the homeschoolers said they wish they could have tried public school.

It’s that whole grass-is-always-greener thing. I don’t regret homeschooling my kids even if there are things they and I wish that we had done differently. Overall, I am convinced that it was the best choice for them, and I know there would be “I wish I had” no matter where they went to school.

More Diverse Social Experiences

Brianna and Josh both said they would have appreciated more diverse social experiences. I honestly thought that I provided plenty of social opportunities, particularly in the early years. However, both said that although they had friends, they tended to hang out with the same group of kids. They didn’t gain experience interacting with a diverse group of people.

As adults, they feel uncomfortable talking to new people in group settings and making small talk. Growing up, Josh was content to hang out with his close circle of friends and didn’t take advantage of some of the available social opportunities. He wishes that I had insisted that he go to more of the social outings, but admits he would not have appreciated my efforts at the time.

The funny thing is, although this was one of the problem areas that Brianna identified, she is the one of my three kids who’s had the most diverse group of friends as an older teen and young adult. Race, religion (or lack thereof), political views, sexual orientation – nothing fazes her. And, it shouldn’t, but it’s kind of funny to me that as one of those “sheltered” homeschool kids, it doesn’t. At all.

And, I love that Josh is tackling his shyness head-on by reading several books on improving his social skills.

I’m not sure how I would have provided more diverse social opportunities for the kids, but it’s something to ponder. And, something you may want to consider if you’re still in the early years of homeschooling.

Deadlines and Consequences

Seriously, y’all. I was supposed to force them to go on social outings and give them consequences for missed deadlines? They would have called me Ogre Mom.

Joking aside, I admit that this is one area in which I struggle. There were times when I had kids working late to finish an assignment to avoid losing the opportunity to spend a Friday night with friends, but there should have been more of those times.

Or, better yet, I should have been more diligent about helping them set a reasonable schedule for finishing an assignment and following up before cram time.

Not to fear. Megan has two more years. I think I can correct this one. {grin}

There are some great tips for teaching teens to meet deadlines on the WriteShop blog.

Consistent Curriculum

Josh and Megan observed that our curriculum felt like it was “all over the place” quite a bit. Josh said that many times it felt like punishment when they had to sit down and do school, but the topics got more interesting toward the end.

He didn’t attribute that to our move toward a much more interest-led approach the last couple of years, though. He noted that the switch was both good and bad. While he liked having more input, he needed structure for the times when he wasn’t sure what he wanted to explore.

His comments made me realize two things. One, I made the right choice in following a relaxed, interest-led style versus a radical unschoolers path. And, two, I wish that I had begun involving the kids in curriculum-shopping much sooner. I would like to have had them involved as early as elementary school.

This is another area where I’m not sure what I would have done differently. Finding the right curriculum can be such a trial-and-error experience. We did have mid-year curriculum changes a couple of times. Those proved to be good changes, but I wish we could have found our favorite homeschool curriculum options early on, such as Trail Guide to Learning and All About Spelling.

A homeschool rewind would, without a shadow of a doubt, include the Classic Starts books in our studies from the time the kids were in early elementary school. We discovered them when the kids had just about outgrown them. They are wonderful books! Confessions of a Homeschooler has literature-based unit studies for many of them.

Dedicated School Space

I’m not going to lie. This one kind of surprised me, but I do understand the reasoning behind it. You may have heard me mention before that I’m always more productive when I go to Chick-fil-A or Panera Bread to work. That’s because I know that’s what I’m there for and it gives me a sense of purpose.

A couple of the kids said they wish we’d had a dedicated school space for that purpose. Josh said he thought he would have focused better in a place that was only for school and away from distractions like ringing phones and barking dogs.

Good intentions don't count, y'all. Thankfully, learning never stops!Click to Tweet

More Focus on Life Skills

Good intentions don’t count, y’all. Brianna, the only kid who is out on her own right now, says she wishes I’d taught more life skills. Specifically, she’d like to have learned more cooking skills, how to balance a checkbook, and how to budget money. We did some cooking and some money management but not enough specifics for her to feel as confident as she’d like.

In my defense, I had good intentions on teaching her how to balance her checkbook, but people don’t seem to do that as much as they used to with bank apps that let them keep closer tabs on their money. However, I have noted the feedback and will work to make sure her younger siblings are more prepared.

Thankfully, learning never stops!

What We Got Right

As I said, homeschooling has been a primarily positive experience for all of us. Still, I asked the kids for some specifics on a few things they thought we got right. I was curious about what, precisely, stood out to them.

Closer relationships

The kids attributed our close family relationships to homeschooling. While homeschooling isn’t the cure-all for teen angst and family problems, it does provide the time necessary to foster close relationships. I am so thankful for that!

Freedom

All the kids appreciated the freedom that homeschooling afforded them. There are cons to that freedom, such as Josh feeling that he would have benefitted from more structure in some areas. But overall it’s a huge plus.

The kids loved being able to schedule their time in a way that best suited them and study the topics that interested them. For example, Megan took astronomy as one of her high school science courses rather than a more traditional course. Josh learned computer coding and dove into music.

As teens, they enjoyed the freedom of more flexible part-time job hours since they didn’t have to be in a classroom during the day. Our rule was always as long as schoolwork took priority, they could do it around their work schedules.

Fun Learning Opportunities

Our homeschool also got kudos from the kids for our Around the World Days and spring fairs and participating in Flat Travelers. I enjoyed all of those things, too. Some of those events were a lot of work, but so worth it.

Don’t be afraid to dive in and organize events with your homeschool group. It’s been my experience that homeschoolers are a pretty laid-back group of people. Everything doesn’t have to go perfectly to have a blast and learn a ton.

Those are my kids’ thoughts on a homeschool rewind. I’ll be sharing mine soon.

If you could have a homeschool rewind, what would you do differently?

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