A quirky mom’s guide to homeschooling – complete with humor and giggles for those days when you need a down-to-earth, funny look at homeschooling!
As much as we wish it otherwise, homeschooling is never perfect. Mom tends to be exhausted while trying to have everything together including lesson planning and remembering to thaw something for dinner. Kids are NOT perfect angels. The curriculum is NEVER one-size-fits-all.
What’s a homeschool mom to do?
A Quirky Mom’s Guide to Homeschooling
Step #1: Plan Your Homeschool Uniform
Mix-and-match pajamas are always a big hit. Preferably oversized themed pajama bottoms of your choice (I’m particularly fond of my Star Wars bottoms from 2012) and your significant other’s old t-shirt. Don’t forget your favorite pair of slippers! Though, holy overstretched leggings with an oversized sweatshirt and hair in mom bun are also acceptable attire. Seriously consider denim jumpers for ease of garment decision making.
Also, that one time you decide to wear real pants, your kids instantly questioned where we are going…
As if the children are such fashionistas!
Like that time my son wore a bow tie with every outfit for over a year…
Bow ties are cool.
My daughter has insisted on dressing herself since she was two. I guess being a homeschool rebel rubs off on our kids, and they develop their own identities regardless of what the “cool crowd” thinks.
Why yes, that is a peppermint Christmas dress in the middle of July!
Step #2: Plan the Cafeteria Menu
Aka food and beverages straight from the homeschool kitchen: Your favorite beverage of choice that you can never seem to find once you set it down. It usually turns up mid-afternoon.
My coffee is cold by the way….and it’s only mid-morning.
How about that time you mistook your morning coffee for a cup of water during homeschool art time? You may have swirled a paintbrush covered in pink acrylics into your beloved beverage only to realize (too late!) what you had done. Then, even after you realized it, you may have hypothetically glanced around to see if any of the children noticed before continuing to sip your pink brew.
Also, you’ll find yourself washing innumerable loads of cups!
Seriously, must they get a new cup each time they’re thirsty?
Why do these little hobbits require second breakfast, elevensies, luncheon, tea, dinner, and supper? You’ll never be done with dishes…NEVER! (So don’t bother to stress out over it!)
Thankfully, I’ve been teaching them how to cook and do dishes on their own!
Step #3: Schedule Homeschool Lessons
Write all your lesson plans in pencil. Trust me because nothing EVER goes as planned! Did you know it can take 8 million years to get through a math lesson with your teen? This teen may also throw him/herself on the floor in angst and exclaim that you have NEVER explained how to do XYZ.
How about late-night runs to the store for red cabbage and iodine for tomorrow’s science experiment?
Don’t even get me started on all of the Pinterest fails! Magnetic Slime anyone?
Nobody tells you THAT STUFF is like glitter and gets EVERYWHERE!
You’ll spend a week trying to get it out of the carpet and upholstery…
Step #4: You’ll NEVER Finish That Curriculum
You’ll probably throw out that curriculum mid-year and buy a new one anyway because the new one is shiny and on sale. What finally works this year will probably not work next year. Outsourcing classes isn’t cheating, and audiobooks totally count for reading.
You may or may not have a problem with turning every learning opportunity into a unit study.
Try to relax and let it happen naturally.
Learning is much more enjoyable that way.
Step #5: Develop a Sense of Humor
You’re going to need it! Like when your kiddo colors his face in permanent blue marker because he is pretending to be an Uruk-hai from The Lord of the Rings book he just finished reading….
Folks, it took weeks for it to eventually wash off!
Lesson learned. Hide all permanent markers and buy children’s face paint for pretend play/art/language arts.
You’ll walk into some really strange scenes throughout the day too…
We’ll call them educational.
Like that time I walked into the kitchen to find my son standing on the counters with slime attached to his ears…
He said he was learning about polymers!
Just roll with it.
Though I am very much a type-A personality, our homeschool tends to look much more like organized chaos! Just remember, homeschooling is a marathon, not a sprint. It takes years for you to see the fruits of all your hard work come to fruition.
In the meantime, enjoy the silliness and sometimes tears that come with spending all day every day with our kids. Embrace the unique differences, learning styles, and quirks each child possesses.
Know that your children WILL be awesomely weird, not because they are homeschooled, but because you are their mother! They were doomed from the beginning.
Enjoy your cold beverage and try not to take yourself too seriously. On the bright side, homeschooling is easier than keeping houseplants alive, so at least you’ve got that going for you…