Thursday Thirteen: Crazy Things I’ve Heard People Say

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1. “If you didn’t homeschool, you’d have more time to clean house.” Um, yeah, because having a spotless house is the highest priority.

2. A Wal-mart cashier upon noticing my kids and I all wearing our matching “unsocialized homeschooler” t-shirts: “Oh, do you homeschool?” Nope. We got such a great deal on these shirts that we couldn’t pass ’em up. It really irks the kids’ teachers when they wear them to school. 😉

3. Overheard at the post office shortly after self-adhesive stamps were introduced: “Do you have any of those self-licking stamps.” Seriously. I don’t know how the postal employee kept a straight face.

4. Upon explaining to the Wal-mart cashier that I wanted to actually use the reusable shopping bags that I’d just purchased: “You want me to put your groceries in these?” Um, yeah. That was kind of the idea.

5. Upon returning to Wal-mart on a subsequent shopping trip with aforementioned reusable bags, (cashier) “Hey! These are really cool bags. Where’d you get them?” I smiled and mentioned that the management might really want to send out a memo regarding the reusable shopping bags.

6. “I don’t have enough patience to homeschool.” Give me any other excuse that you want to, but this one I ain’t buyin’. You can ask anyone in my family and they’ll tell you that patience is not a virtue of mine. If I’ve made it this far without choking one of my kids, anybody has enough patience to homeschool. If you can make it through two hours, plus, of homework each night, you can homeschool. That doesn’t mean I think that everybody should homeschool; just pick a different reason when you’re talking to me.

7. “How are you tonight?” Okay, under normal circumstances, that’s not such a crazy question…except for the fact that it was midnight, I was at Wal-mart and the only things I was purchasing were a box of feminine hygiene products and Hershey dark chocolate bar. Did I mention that it was midnight? I mean, seriously, how did she think I was doing?

8. Along those same lines, when I entered the hospital, again, at midnight, nine months and a few days pregnant with my first child and contractions less than three minutes apart, I was asked by the guy checking me in, “Why are you here?” Even a passing nurse couldn’t resist answering that one with, “Why do you think she’s here?!?”

9. While shopping with my oldest two who are, incidentally, four and a half years apart in age and who were approximately 2 and 6 1/2, at the time, I was asked, very innocently and quiet seriously, by an elderly woman, “Oh, they are so precious. Are they twins?” Yes. Yes, ma’am they are; one just needed to gestate a few years longer than the other one. (No, I didn’t really say that. I just politely told her no.)

10. Conversation at a Dairy Queen drive-thru (luckily, my mom was ordering):

Mom: I’d like two small Blizzards.

Drive-thru Person: We don’t have small Blizzards.

Mom: What sizes do you have?

DTP: Medium and large.

Isn’t it impossible, by definition, to have a medium, if you don’t have a small?

11. “What do homeschoolers do all day?” We just sit around watching the soaps and eating bon-bons. Oh, you were serious? Well, unless we’re unschoolers, most of us, you know, do school — helping our kids learn to read, write and do arithmetic, and exploring their interests. We do laundry, cook and eat meals, do some house-cleaning, make some really cool hands-on projects, go to outside classes, and live life.

12. “Mom, can we get a (puppy, kitten, gerbil, mouse, fish)? I promise to feed it, water it and take care of it all by myself.” ‘Nuff said.

13. “Molds like Play-doh, feels like sand.” Yeah, right. What they don’t tell you is how messy it is. Skip the Moon Sand and just dump a bag of play sand right in the middle of your living room carpet. You’ll get about the same effect.

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Kris Bales is a newly-retired homeschool mom and the quirky, Christ-following, painfully honest founder (and former owner) of Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers. She has a pretty serious addiction to sweet tea and Words with Friends. Kris and her husband of over 30 years are parents to three amazing homeschool grads. They share their home with three dogs, two cats, a ball python, a bearded dragon, and seven birds.

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  1. HaHa, funny list! I suggest you stay out of Wal-mart. We’re homeschoolers and get lots of uh…not so smart questions too.

  2. I just have to say, I’ve had the reusable bag conversation at other stores, too. I actually had one guy argue with me about using them right away — something about against store policy, he had to bag them to go out of the store.

    And, the fact that you didn’t choke the person who asked you “how are you tonight” shows great restraint in my book. 🙂

    Great list. My TT list is up here. Stop by if you get a chance.

  3. I would love to have my kids home with me all day – I live for summer with them.

    Unfortunately, they would be stupid, because I’m lazy. We spend our summer taking day trips, heading to the beach or the pool, stuff like that. So I could see that continuing all year, instead of actually making them learn. My homeschooling would consist of nothing but field trips!

  4. I just found you through Shez’s blog and added you to my feed reader (because I need more reasons NOT to do housework). These are hilarious! 🙂

  5. Loved the twins comment. thanks for the good laugh

    I would be rich if I had a dollar for everyone who asked me if my boy/girl twins were identical.

  6. Some of those made me laugh out loud, especially the midnight run for feminine products and chocolate. 🙂

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