Today, I wanted to share with you my Top 5 Ways to Ensure That Your Homeschooled Kid is Weird and Unsocialized because everybody knows that homeschoolers are, in fact, weird and unsocialized.
The problem is, I’ve met lots of homeschooled kids and it’s obvious that we’re falling down on our jobs, people! These kids I’ve met are perfectly normal and completely socialized! It’s time we get busy and rectify this situation before a few slackers sully the reputation of homeschoolers everywhere. So here are the top five ways you can get your kids back on the right path to becoming proper homeschoolers:
1. Quit letting them be around all those people. For crying out loud! If you’re forever taking them to music class, homeschool P.E., 4-H Club, co-op, ballet class, Lego Club, Chess Club, art class, and all those crazy sports activities how in the world do you expect them to grow up to be unsocialized? Keep those homeschoolers isolated!
Every time you take them with you to the grocery store, the doctor’s office, the art museum, those fast-food places with playgrounds where other kids are playing, or, heaven forbid, an outdoor playground or the movie theater, a play, or a concert — and let’s don’t even talk about the mall — they are observing and participating in human social behaviors. What are you thinking, homeschool mom?
2. Quit letting them have friends. I mean, really. Friends? Hello? Socialization. If you continue taking special care to ensure that your kids get to hang out with their friends on a regular basis, have sleepovers and play dates, and go to all those homeschool group activities and social events, how do you expect them to remain unsocialized?
3. Toss out all the computers. Have you seen all these homeschooled kids with their blogs and their Facebook accounts? Do you know what they do on those things? They’re expressing themselves. And, they communicate. With other people! They might even experience negative comments or encounter mean people or people with views different than theirs. Do you know what that means? You may not be doing an adequate job of isolating and over-protecting them.
4. Toss out the phone, too. If you don’t, it’s highly likely that your homeschooled kid will act just like any other kid and talk on the phone for hours to his or her friends. And, we all know that homeschooled kids should NOT have friends if we hope to raise them to be weird and unsocialized.
5. Quit taking them to church. For the love of all that is holy, do you know what happens to homeschooled kids at church — besides the growing in their faith and studying God’s Word part? They interact with all manner of people! I mean, there are old people who would love to chat with and mentor your kids. There are kids who go to public or private school who might want to be your kids’ friends in spite of that whole homeschooling thing. There are kids who go to public or private school who might pick on your kids because they’re homeschooled (and that’s way too similar to the real world).
And, then, there are all those classroom-like settings where your kids might have to sit at a table and be quiet while a teacher reads or talks. They might even have to raise their hand to answer a question or ask to go to the bathroom. There might even be times when they have to walk in a single file line to go somewhere and you know your homeschooled kid is doomed to normalcy if he learns that skill.
So, homeschool parent, pay attention! Be vigilant and keep these tips in mind. Otherwise, your homeschooled kid might be on the path to becoming a normal, well-round, completely socialized individual…and we can’t let that happen. Just some helpful advice from your friendly, neighborhood weird, unsocialized homeschoolers.